I hate Marin

I fucking hate it.  I've been talking to people about this a lot recently.  Like about 50% of my angst about living out here is based on the fact that I spend all my damn time in Marin.

It's everything I tried to leave behind.  I moved west on this grand urban adventure, only to find a job in fucking Marin?!  Land of families and strip malls and chain restaurants and creepy old men who have enough of a California mentality to not realize they are too old for a 25 year old.  I've been to three different Starbucks this morning because in the first two I encountered middle-aged men being all creepy at me.  One tried to strike up a convo, the other is that stalker dude checking me out.

I mean, I admit it; when I was nineteen I'd stare dudes down and try to make eye contact or whatever.  But I have long since realized that is creepy as fuck and I was too old to be doing that then.  BUT IF YOU ARE OVER 50?!  You should not be making eyes at me.  You should know that.  Damn these idiots.

And if it's not creepy older dudes, it's moms with kids.  These are not my people, this is not my generation, these are not my peers.  I hate it up here.  I feel like a fucking towny-kid in a town I didn't grow up in.  Like what the fuck am I doing here as a grown ass woman without a family?

AND OH MY GOD STARBUCKS.  DON'T ASSUME THAT I WANT REDUCED-FAT CREAM CHEESE.  FUCK YOU DIET OBSESSED MILL VALLEY MOMS MAKING THAT THE NORM.

Also, I used to go to go hang out in Starbucks all day when I was in high school.  And here I am doing that again.  How can I move on and enjoy my adult life, if I'm in the exact place I always was, just 2,000 miles away from everyone I love?  What the fuck was the point of this move if nothing fucking changed? Except my rent is ridiculous and I have no friends.  Where is that urban lifestyle I craved?  Why do I drive all the time?  WHY DO I DRIVE ALL THE TIME.  I HATE HAVING A FUCKING CAR.

NOTHING HAS WORKED OUT THE WAY I WANT.  NOT MY JOB.  NOT MY APARTMENT. NOT MY BOYFRIEND. NOT MY THEATRE CAREER. NOT MY LIFESTYLE.