Mean Muggin

One day I will learn that after a certain age you have to stop dressing like a college freshman,

Today is not that day.

Graduation Goggles

Now that I've officially declared I'm leaving San Francisco, and officially have a destination I'm aiming for I've been hit with a serious case of graduation goggles.

You know, that phenomenon right before you leave something where suddenly you can only remember  the all the good things you'll  be giving up.

I drive home now and think of all the fun things I did last year.  You know, when I had friends here.  Or all the cool places there are to go to that I'll never go to again.  The restaurants I love, the food truck parks.  Hardly Strictly.  My CSA.  Smitten's and Bi-Rite ice cream. Finding day of activities on Funcheap. The Academy of Sciences.  The street art. My really nice job with really nice kids in a really nice neighborhood at a really nice school.  The sunsets and temperate weather.  The pastel buildings. Everyday it's something different.  Something that I'm agreeing to give up to move.

I literally have to remind myself that I've been miserable here for months.  That I have no friends out here and I feel listless and disconnected and everyone I love is too far away.  These memories aren't enough to keep me here.  The cities potential, as it were, isn't enough, because the reality of the situation is that I need to leave.   

Sometimes when I start to feel this way, I get online and bury myself in New York theoreticals.  The could-be's of NYC.  This morning, after a frustrating couple of hours trying to figure out interstate reciprocity policies, I decided to make myself some breakfast and almost died when I realized that year-round locally grown organic produce really wasn't gonna happen in a state with regular seasons.  So I spent the next hour researching CSAs in New York and felt a little bit better when I felt like I figured out how they worked.

I know this move is for the best.  But part of me wishes I didn't have to do it.

On an unrelated note check out my new dress.  And my grumpy face apparently:

Pensieve Thoughts

Fried Green Tomatoes with cheese taste like little handheld pizzas.  I'm assuming that's what pizza bagels are like.  But I wouldn't know b/c most frozen food grosses me out.

Grading homework is the stupidest most pointless most time consuming thing ever.  I hate it.

I'm thinking of moving back to the D.C. area next year because let's face it, it's the fastest most surefire way to solve the problem that is pushing me out of SF:  my loneliness.  You know, because two of my three best friends and my family and a whole bunch of friends from college live in the DC metro area.

On that note, the older I get, the more I relate to Liz Lemon.

It's crappy foggy windy cold here like it's gonna storm or snow.  But it's SF.  SF is a big weather cock-tease.  So instead of anything actually happening.  It just going to continue being crappy foggy windy cold here.  Forcing me to turn on the heat in my apartment.  God it's cold in here.

Is everyone engaged except me?  How did I miss the "marriage track relationship" bus back when I was 23?  Because I'm pretty sure that's when everyone got on board.  How often does this bus come around?

Did I mention that grading is dumb?
And I'm cold?

I auditioned for Les Mis today.  Sooooo, that'll be a thing to look out for.  I can't really afford the time commitment. But I'm so damn lonely, I figure I have to do something to interact with adults and not just come home and be alone all the time.  It's unlikely to happen, the theater's really legit and my headshots were out of date, so I looked totally unprofresh #petpeeves.

Have I mentioned I'm cold.

I want to go to bed.

Stupid homework.

Making tomatillo salsa later.

Love my CSA.  It's like Christmas every two weeks.

Also here's a back log of pictures:

Remember when I looked like this?  In like February?

Bangs.

They looked damn good.  But were so hard to maintain.

My hair looks so shiny.  I miss it now.

Hey internet, did I ever show you this dress?

Here it is again.

And here's my super sick Gentleman of the Road shirt I got at the Mumford Concert.  Probs my fave.

Short hair, fierce face.

Legs.  Nineties chic.

Me pondering my Red Kuri Squash two weeks ago.

I made a soup with it.  And spilled the soup all over everything.  I messy cried.  And to top it all off, the soup tasted super bad.

On the flip side I had a yellow watermelon a couple weeks ago.  That shit was DELICIOUS.

It looks like I'm threatening to slit my squash's throat if you don't give into my demands, but honestly I was pondering how you peel a squash.  Especially given that I only have one sharp blade in my entire apartment.

If my getting my CSA is like waking up to presents Christmas morning, then lettuce is like CSA-Santa reminding me I haven't been good all week.

HAVE I MENTIONED HOW COLD I AM? IT'S SO GODDAMN WINDY OUTSIDE AND I'M SHIVERING IN HERE.

I just want to shop

And knowing I can't afford to makes leaving my apartment for any other reason seem like a sick joke.  I've felt this way all month.  Damn monthly paychecks and raucous amounts of debt.

On Antler On Dress (Out of Stock) at Modcloth

Arrangement Party Dress at Modcloth

And the open black lace back.  I think this one's my favorite, but wildly innappropes for work.

Modcloth's Away We Go-Go Dress

I Dusk Be Off Dress at Modcloth

Luck be a Lady Dress in Scholar (Out of Stock)

And let's not even talk about the boots at Target that they have in faux-leather to replace my favorite pair of boots that I've warn a hole into the sole.  Or the dresses at Ambiance which doesn't have it's inventory online.  Or wedge boots also at Target.  Or any shoes really.  Or skirts!  What if I wanted skirts!  Or cardigans... ugh... I want more THINGS.  Consumerism is me.  And I'm okay with that.

A large part of me just wants to dress like Ms. Frizzle.  Also, moreover, I want to wear dresses with outrageous prints and whatever b/c hell, if the 69 year old ladies that are over in the lower grades can wear the ridiculous concoctions of old-people clothes that they do every day, then I can do the same with young people clothes don't you think?

THINGS I want more things.

Waving at Mirrors

Super proud of my Fourth of July outfit.  Shares.  Selfies.

Gentlemen of the Road shirt from Mumford.  Fave sailing sweater from Mom's closet.  Cut-off jorts.  Mocs.  Feather Earrings from May.  Cat-eye sunglasses.  Ever-present floral backpack.  Slight tan.  Sass

"HEY ME!" Unlike May, I may be more torso than legs, but what legs I do have are looking super sleek from all that biking.

Pictures from the Dressing Room Pt. 2

Just like Amanda Bynes, I'm about to change my look.  I need u all to kno that I'm not crazy tho!  ...oh god, that hurt to type.  Amanda Bynes... you cray.  And your spelling is painful. 

Anyway, after spending this past semester unabashedly jealous of the wardrobe of one Ms. Cohen in the 5th grade, I've decided that I want to step it up.  This woman wore pants about 3 times the entire time I knew her.  I'm gonna join her in that.  ALSO, she made business casual look fantastic.  Lemme tell you this:  no slacks, no sweaters from H&M circa 2006.

So I've decided to work "stupidly expensive dresses" into my monthly budget next year.  While it's still too soon to buy any dresses (I'm still on the "heartbreakingly poor" side of "fabulously wealthy"), I made a scouting trip to Anthropologie.  This is what I found:

Also, let's talk about how fit I look right now.  I know I'm trying to not put any stock in my weight anymore, but come ON.  I mean seriously: nice arms.  I'm gonna miss biking to work (or am I? Can I wake up early enough and be dedicated enough bike out of the city everyday?).

As much as I love showing off my legs, I was looking for things long enough to be school appropriate.  Also, there was crinoline under this puppy (dry clean only :/ ).

This one is my favorite.  It's like that vintage dress I wore (and fell in love with) in Damn Yankees back senior year of college.  I think I'm gonna have to buy it.

Gatsby

I just texted Abigail (who is moving on Monday):  "Can we please make tomorrow [her going away night out] Gatsby themed?"

And then decided I couldn't wait and decided I would glam up for work tonight (I don't start until 10, I had time to kill).  Besides it's San Francisco, you can get away with anything as long as you do it with conviction:

Also played around with some filters, to mellow out the pink-ness of Abigail's towel.  Now, what to wear with this face when you don't own a drop-waist skirt?

My Bangs Look Fierce in All of These

Man, I love those moments where I can wear skirts and dresses and look nice.  At my job that's like not really an option.  Skirts are too impractical considering the amount of time I spend helping kids up off the ground or sitting criss-cross applesauce.

Tiny Dalmatians

Fashion Blog Time.  I bought  this skirt at Target and was really proud of it.  It's covered in tiny dalmatians.  Selfie-spam.

Loves me some perpetual spring.

Pictures with books make you look intelligent.

The Flight of Gemma Hardy by Margot Lively.  A 1960s-era retelling of Bronte's Jane Eyre.  Definitely recommended.  I've read most of it in two days.

I don't actually wear my glasses to read.

I had to take another picture when I decided that socks with mocs was gonna happen.

Poems

There are two things I have always been opposed to:  poetry and philosophy. Poetry always seems to mock me.  Like, "you think you're (oh my god, at least 7 people read this before I fixed that typo,  how embarrassing) so smart, huh?  Then how come you can't make sense of this?!"  FUCK YOU POETRY.  I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

But you see enough snip-its of e.e. cummings poems on tumblr, and eventually your curiosity is peaked.  And hell, I've gotta say:  I'm sorry I judged you so rashly, Poetry.  Not all poems are bad.  In fact, some are downright enjoyable.  I might even purchase this collection.  And read more.

WELL DONE E.E. CUMMINGS.

Also, here's some pictures of me getting ready for my first audition in like a year:

I felt very forced into auditioning for Liesl.  A role that I'm not actually vocally capable of and 10 years too old for.  Needless to say, I didn't get a callback.

I think a white lace dress is as essential to a girl's wardrobe as a little black dress.

Oh, and here are some overdue pictures of my new haircut/color.  Abigail says it looks way more red than it used to, but I think she's just being nice.  If you ask me it's as dark and brown as it's ever been.  Also I had a really hard time making a nice face for these pictures.  Sorry.

Eh.

Warmer.

WARMER.

Close enough.

As for philosophy, Nate agrees that it's probably something that I secretly into as well.  Which reminds me, I think I'm gonna try to get back in contact with Luke at some point this year.  Resolve some self-perceived conflict.

*slams head on desk*

Ask about my job.  Call me about it.  Please.  I would like to rant to everyone I know.  Do not call tonight, I'm making dinner.  I've started counting calories.  It's asinine.  It will not last.  Do calories even mean anything?  Or is it all in how you balance it?  Nutrition is so hard.  Did you know that vegetables have like no calories?  Like none.  At all.  You know what else has no calories?   A Clif bar.  You know what else?  Half a graham cracker and 6 grapes.  I was SO good at nutrition this summer.  SO GOOD.  Does health insurance cover a nutritionist?

I was trying to look all "IDGAFOS about how my workday transpired".  But clearly that didn't happen.

Oh hey!  My beautiful mama sent me a FAN. TAS. TIC. tacky Christmas sweater.  

Also, apparently I "looked like a zombie today".  When I asked why, they said my skin was pale and my hair was different.  OH CHILDRENS.

Blog All the Things

I know I've been blogging like literally non-stop for the past couple of days, but I've taken like a billion days off from work recently, and I've just been hanging around alone with nothing but me and my computer and Parks and Rec.  So just deal I guess.  Anyway.  I love where fashion is right now.  And I love San Francisco.  Because living here I can wear this nonsense with total confidence.  And let's be real.  I look baller.

I am not almost 26.  I am not.  I refuse to admit it.  And I will not succumb to business casual without a fight.

Bahahaha.

Model shot.  

Sass.  I could deal with this hair.