Wrecking Ball

Whenever you move somewhere new, there's this awkward period of time, a couple weeks or even a couple of months, where you're trying to find your place.  You go to parties full of people you'll never see again, go dancing with strangers, take fitness classes, join clubs, get drinks with someone else when you know full well they think it's a date.  And you do all this, because you hope.  You just hope, that in there somewhere is your new best friend.  You tell yourself "this could become my new group".  And you slog through it.  Through party after party clutching cheap beers and smiling "oh yeah, the new mayor...  oh no, I don't know those people... yeah, I'm not in a start-up either... weather here, huh?"  Because finally dear god finally there he/she/they are.  And you thank heaven because you didn't think you could play another fucking kickball game with those turds from your league.  And now you don't have to.  You don't have to worry about "Making Friends" anymore.

But here's the thing.

I've been in San Francisco for 2 years now.

And nothing's changed.

I connect with people for moments.  MOMENTS.  I feel like I have more brief moments of connection than make sense.  The other day I asked myself "How have I only been here for two years?  How have so many people come and gone?"

I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of trying to Make Friends.

I just want to Have Friends.  Like dear god.

I've said it before that I used to joke that San Francisco was the "Rolfe of Cities", absolutely gorgeous and similar to me in the most shallow ways, but in reality completely unrelatable.

And you know what.  Eventually, you've just got to break up.