Intoxication

When I was in college, I dated this guy I didn't like.  But the whole time we were together, I didn't know it.   I was young, and he was 6'2" with broad freckled shoulders, so I honestly thought I kind of loved him.  We fought constantly, and I never understood a thought that passed through his head. I thought he was haughty, condescending, and insensitive.  In response I became manipulative and fragile.  I cannot overstate how little we could stand each other.  But again, for 6 - 8 months he was my world.

I can't tell you how many times I've made that mistake.

In grad school, I dated a guy who loved Jesus, Natty Lite, and Will Ferrell movies.  But he was blonde and ran track, so it was figured it was kind of working out.  Luckily, that only lasted a couple weeks.

Freshman year of college, I dated one of Nate's best friends.  I could honestly stop there, but on top of that we had nothing in common.  Though he did play bass, so... might as well date him for a month and get totally hung up on him.

As much as I love it, infatuation is a strange drug that warps the way you see the person across from you.  The first couple months of a relationship are like walking into a bar with a stranger and getting hosed.  You just hope you both feel the same way when you sober up.  And unfortunately, you rarely do.

As time's gone on, I've tried to take a closer and closer look at that other person before I walk into the bar at all.  Lingered longer at the door.  Nursed my infatuation more slowly.

Unfortunately, not everyone has dated someone they basically hate.  And therefore hasn't learned to be infatuated responsibly.  They tumble in headfirst, swept up in romance, and limbs, and professions of awe, never bothering to think how hurtful those things will be when they sober up and admit things aren't necessarily how they said they were.

I hate the infatuation stage of relationships.  They are full of such beautiful and mundane lies.  "You're so funny" "I like cats"  "I love spending time with you" "Your religion doesn't bother me".  I never feel secure in the beginning of relationships.  I always worry one or both of us will sober up and realize we'd been lying the whole time.  Not on purpose.  Not maliciously.  But because we were drunk.  And that's what you do when you're drunk.  You lie.  Some lies are obvious: "I could settle down in the next couple of years." Some lies are more subtle:  "Trust me this is gonna work long distance."  And some lies I fall for every time:  "Of course we'll stay friends."