I was scrolling down through my posts and noticing a lot of angst lately. I feel like it's creating a warped picture of my experience here on the West Coast. Minus some shitty roommates and a recent party with a wormhole to the past, I am generally very happy. So here is a post that captures how I feel when I am not BITCHING to the internet.
Mel
~<3~
I'm a person who is prone to infatuation. All my life, everyday, I'm infatuated with something. Not necessarily (though often) a person. I've been infatuated with San Francisco for years. I have an on again, off again infatuation with hiking the Appalachian Trail (but I really wish it would stay on again). I listen to songs on repeat. My first crush was in preschool on a kid named Ian. It's constant. I love the feeling, just getting so engrossed in something/someone that sparks your imagination and makes you feel passionate and alive and creative. I have NOTEBOOKS full of people and places that have caught my heart. I remember sitting on the UC Terrace sophomore year and fantasizing about being exactly where I am now. Being 25, dirt fucking poor in San Francisco with long-ass hair and too many college t-shirts because I can't afford a hair-cut or a new wardrobe. Riding the bus to work. I had no delusions of grandeur about it. I just wanted to be here and experience it. Of course it's nothing like I imagined; but man, imagining was so fun. I have pictures I've drawn of me sitting on the floor of my future San Francisco living room with my roommates (because we can't afford proper furniture). SERIOUSLY. I knew early on that I had ZERO aspirations for money or a stable career. I just wanted to know this city. And I'm so happy I'm getting the chance to do that. And I'm so happy I met Luke, a kid who is just as infatuated with this city now (when he's been here for 4 years), as I was sitting on the UC Terrace sophomore year.
I really think his infectious love for this city is going to remind me why I came here. He has so many great stories from the city, and I'm so jealous of every single one. I WISH I had been able to be in this city for college, and I can't WAIT to make those kinds of memories for myself. He makes me excited to be in San Francisco. Not worried if I made the right choice, worried that this is the right fit, but hopeful. Hopeful that I'm going to get those memories. Hopeful that I'll learn about all these things he loves. He talks about the city with such passion. It permeates. It lights up his face, spreads through his body, and comes out in his voice until my roommate Michelle bangs on the floor above his bedroom. It makes me want to throw myself into this urban life (and his arms) and see everything this city has to offer. Sometimes I fear I can't keep up, but I want to. I want to so bad. It sounds so exciting, and so beautiful. Last weekend we went to downtown after my show and saw Union Square all lit up for Christmas. It was breathtaking. I just couldn't believe that THIS. IS. MY. LIFE. NOW. I told him that. I couldn't believe that I was in a place I liked so much with a person I liked so much. I just can't wrap my brain around it sometimes. You visit cities. You don't live in them. You go on vacay to New York and see a show and see the lights, but you live in the suburbs. But I do live in one. And I understand why people keep telling me they moved here for "just a couple years" and have never left. I can already feel that creeping in. I'm so excited to be infatuated with San Francisco all over again.
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