Donkey for a Day

Let's talk about something that's been happening pretty consistently.  Last night, I went out with a bunch of people, had a bunch of alcohol, and had a bunch of fun.  But when I woke up, it all felt... hollow.  As hollow as the way I dated from 2009 to 2011.  The feelings are almost identical.  At the time it's really fun, and you think, this is awesome.  But when it's all over, you just feel... wrong.

Like I can't explain it.  

I had TONS of fun last night.  And the last time I went out in June.  Tons of fun.  Stayed totally in control of myself, too.

But waking up this morning, I'm just like: eh.

I wonder if there are just too many bad memories I associate with partying.  Too many times that I've just lost control of myself and now when I wake up from a frantic sleep, with that sour taste in my mouth and parched throat, it reminds me of spending the night crying on the floor.  Or needling someone until I start an argument.  Or calling so persistently that they have to turn their ringer off.  Or throwing myself at someone I barely know.

I mean none of those things happened.  I hung out with friends.  Had some burgers and cake.  Sat alone on a rooftop like Eeyore and watched the clouds and street lights.  It was very romantic in an alone kind of way.  When I came down, we laughed and gossiped.  I went home and slept  in my own bed.  All in all in was a GREAT night.

But now I'm just... I can't even describe how it feels.  Hollow.  I just woke up feeling hollow.

I dunno.  It took me a long time to start drinking, and I'm still figuring out how to do it right. But when I consistently wake up feeling like this, no matter how the night before goes, I wonder if I just don't want to.  

The Eeyore reference was an allusion of this episode of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh:  "Donkey for a Day".  

Piglet sees Eeyore 'brooding' on the hilltop and everyone decides to cheer him up.  Instead they end up making him miserable.   If you want to cut to the chase, skip ahead to 8:11.  This episode made Eeyore my favorite forever.