Chain Reaction

Ohmygod.  Can I just tmi a little?

It's throwback Thursday (#tbt) on the internet right?  So I was looking for pic of me and Nate; I haven't been able to call him recently and that's a bummer b/c he makes me smile always.  So I'm looking for pics of us, and stumble across pics of me with shorter hair.  So I start looking for more of those (b/c I'm thinking of cutting it again).  Then I see some selfies from grad school, and remember I had taken similar ones in undergrad.  So I go looking for those.  I can't figure out where they are on my comp, but I know I sent some to someone at some point.  So I start searching my gmail.  I can't remember what I call the email, so I just search the person's name and the word "pics".  And then oh lord.  I stumble on some email correspondences I had sent people from my summer in France.  And in there are some NOVELS.   I kid you not, like 200 emails at about 400 words each.  And I'm like "oh my god, what could we have possibly had to say to each other?" There's a lot of nitpicky play-by-plays of our days, and it gives me this warm glowy nostalgia rush.  Fast forward half an hour:  I am SOBBING because these play-by-plays have suddenly morphed into the most beautiful love notes and ohmygod where did those feelings of infinite hopefulness and safety go?

Anyway, I feel pretty lucky that I ever felt that way.  But would also love to get that feeling back.  I don't really know what to do about that.  So I think I'll keep sitting back and doing nothing.

Guys, I think I've only ever felt that way once.