Today was basically the worst.
To the point that I was like "What am I going to do about rent if I end up having to quit my job prematurely?"
I pretty much just sent an email to someone explaining how dissent is not the same as disrespect.
Stand by Me is on loop.
A counselor and the director were out sick with some throwing up thing.
I'm having a hard time self-regulating at work. What is my job? How do I tell myself and everyone, "I'm taking 20, I refuse to help anyone". I keep eating really small portions and not being hungry, so I'm not sure how that is working. I mean, I'm running around doing things all the time. Normally I'm hungry all the time, when all I'm doing is sitting down.
I say I won't check emails at home, but then I just spent an hour doing that.
I haven't worked a day under 9.5 hours since I started. I'm just trying to get down to a 9 hour day guys, seriously. That's my goal. What the fuck is this job; I don't know how to self-care. Normally, nothing is more important than number one. I feel personally responsible for all 90 kids and all 15 counselors. I don't know how to stop feeling that way. I feel like all the adults are expecting me to be totally flawless and on-point because I'm in charge, and I haven't figured out how to do my job efficiently enough to be that way and still find time for self-regulation. I hate adults. Kids don't judge you, and if they do, it doesn't matter... because they're five.
I also drank a Dr. Pepper during Improv tonight. I like made a point of drinking slowly and eating a lot of starch with it so the caffeine would keep me up, but not make me throw up.
Guys, I'm buying that mother fucking Anthro dress. I deserve it. #caffeine #shopping #tv #misanthropy #beer #poornutrition #notcleaningmyapartment #stress-induced-vices
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