In which Kansas exceeds expectations and I see a penis

Melanie was wrong. I didn't see a single pool yesterday. That being said, Kansas wasn't all that bad. At least not right away. I expected you see, to pass through Kansas City, MO and over the state line to immediately face golden fields of wheat and the straightest road you could ever conceive of. I also expected the bathrooms to be at hundred mile intervals. The previous night a friend of mine had warned me to basically "pee early and pee often". So, as you can imagine, when the road was kind of curvy, and there were little baby hills for awhile, and restrooms popped up every 30 miles or so, I was pleasantly surprised. Kansas was actually kind of interesting. There were sunflowers, and wind farms, and a rainbow, and cheesy t-shirts and magnets that reference The Wizard of Oz. In Topeka we stopped at McDonald's where a bunch of old white farmers chatted about their crops and a woman brought coffee to their table and called everyone by name. It was way cute. I kept my eyes peeled for Smallville and Metropolis, but I guess they are farther south. The roads are pretty straight overall and not too crowded so we cruised through at a cool 90 mph, but it still took us all day.

After maybe 8 hours or so we entered Colorado (I thought), and much like with Kansas I expected the landscape to change immediately. It didn't. Not for a loooonnnnggg time. At that point, I was tired of Kansas (or Coloransas as I've learned it's called). Finally around Limon, CO we started to see something new. I'm standing at the gas pump, when I see that the guy in front of me is wearing black booty shorts. I give him a strange look and continue munching my fries while mom pumps gas. As the man walks around the passenger side of his van, past his wife, I suddenly get an eye-full. His schlong is hanging out, swaying in the wind, and he just keeps walking like it's NBD. I think to myself "He's not wearing shorts after all, there's got to be a law against that." A couple seconds later, I realized what had actually happened. About 10 minutes later, I realized that the best response would have been to walk up to the passenger side, tap on the window, and say to his wife "Excuse me, your husband just showed me his penis."

Unfortunately, the first thing I did was contemplate involving the police and then decided that would delay the trip for too long. I hope I didn't give him any kind of satisfaction from that act. I feel like the response he was looking for was for me to freak out. I didn't, but I did tell my mom and she kept looking over at him until we left. And I wonder if that was enough to reinforce him.

Anyway, we continued on to Denver, and I've got to say that drive became one of the most beautiful yet. And then there's Denver sitting at the foot of the freaking Rockies looking breathtaking. We're taking a day off to fart around in Denver and then tonight I'm seeing my beautiful friend Abigail, just about an hour away.

One day I will post pictures.