Conflict

"Every woman is insane, and every man is an idiot."

I'm watching TLC's Sister Wives these days and that incredibly relevant nugget of wisdom came from Christine, Wife #3.

In case you don't know, it's a show about a plural marriage (polygamist) family.  In the first season, they focus on the turmoil in the family when the husband, Kody, takes on a fourth wife.  It's the first time in 16 years since they've added to the family in that way.

What I like most about the show, is how it explores the feelings of jealousy that the first three wives struggle with.  They have all chosen this lifestyle and are happy for their husband, but can't help how they feel about the new wife and how much of his time she's taking up.  It's interesting because, like, you know, any women in the world would be about ready to claw a girl's eyes out if she started macking on her husband.   But here these women are, trying to be cool calm and collected about it.  But, like, you can't always be cool, calm, and collected.  And then you have to have these incredibly real conversations and try to patch shit up.

And like that's something that fascinates me about marriage in general.  Ira Glass said one episode of This American Life, he said something along the lines of "You know, that's what I like about marriage.  There is no easy-out-clause.  It's kind of like, you're stuck with me, and we've gotta work this out."  Like you've gotta work shit out.  You can't just... stop talking.  You can't just blow up and leave.

Arguments in long-term relationships just fascinate me.  When you yell at your mom, she yells back, you leave the room, you come back a couple minutes later, and you carry on.  You get drunk, you have an argument with your Sig O, you wake up the next morning, and you work it out.  Because you know... you know this shits gonna keep going.  And you can't keep letting shit fester.  You can't... you can't avoid arguing in a a long term relationship.  It, it just happens sometimes.  Your best friend in fifth grade.  Your parents.  Your lover. Like people always try to avoid arguing right?  I know I do.  But like conflict isn't intrinsically a problem.  It's how the conflict is handled.  And god, I think, I think maybe that is one of the most telling moments of a developing relationship.  That first fight and how it's handled.  Or mangled.

"You do have what it takes, that's why we chose you, and I need you to step it up.  Because you can... Okay?  And I will step it up too." -Christine, again