Easy Out

I'm afraid of dating again right?
Like I'm worried.
That the only reason I even want to start dating again
Is because it seems like the easiest solution.
The easiest way to stop thinking about the last guy I dated.
Like I'm worried I'm not actually ready.
I'm just tired of thinking about him.

Of course it doesn't actually work that way.
I couldn't stop lamenting what Andy and I had for something like two years.
And I dated more in those two years than I have my entire life.
I had an 8 month relationship, even.
Like I kept trying to find someone I could reproduce those feelings with.
And I didn't.
And it was hollow.
And pointless.

So like, if an easy out is the only reason I want to start dating.
Then I'm not ready.