Mean Girl

There's a type of woman that you can find working Elementary Schools a lot.  I've been noticing it for the past couple years.  They are soft-spoken, optimistic, and exceedingly nice.  They are so positive about people and always have something good to say.

And guys, that's just not me.

And I don't want it to be me.  I know who I am.  I'm critical.  Judgemental.  And gossipy.

But it is something that I try to shield people from for awhile.  I mean.  People LOVE those gooey women with nothing but compliments to dish out.  People who judge and bitch are less lovable.  And even frowned upon.  I get it.  But I'm quiet; I'm slight; I've got a cute, round face; I wear bows; I laugh easily; so as long as you don't know me that well, it's pretty easy to assume that I'm "sweet" (as Luke used to call me).

But Lord, it's only a matter of time.  The better friends we become, the less inhibited my speech becomes.  It always feels like this big flash flood.  Like all of the sudden critiques are spewing out of my mouth uncensored and I just can't stop.  Like one day I just lose the ability to sugar coat things.  I don't do it to be mean.  I just.  Don't genuinely love everything that everyone does and have trouble pretending otherwise.

And for my real friends, that's totally chill.  Because well, that's who I am, and they've gotta love me for me or they aren't my real friends anyway (clearly D.A.R.E. worked for me).  But for people I work with, or take classes with, well I always worry.  Like I feel like I'd fit in better if I was gentler, sweeter.