Lightness Buzzing

Someone from my class today told me I looked like I had lost weight since he'd last seen me in November.  Which made me feel weird.  I think Portia DeRossi's memoir is still buzzing around my head. I had this weird tumblr soapbox moment when I wanted to be like "I know you're trying to compliment me, but I really try not to place any value on my weight anymore."  But I knew that sounded douchey because skipping lunch twice a week my senior year of college and insisting I have to wait 4-5 hours between meals isn't exactly an eating disorder or anything.  I think it's just the state of striving to be attractive in society right now.  Which is a bummer.

I really liked what Portia wrote in her book about eating not being something to regulate or think about.  Ever.  Just eat when you're hungry.  So I've been trying to do that.  Even though some point in college I learned how to ignore those hunger-signals completely, and started only eating when I got dizzy or hangry.  Which means I'm not actually entirely sure when I'm hungry anymore.  But now I err on the side of "if you have to ask, 'Am I hungry?' Then you probably are."  Which ends up being like all the time.  But I've decided to let that be okay.

At the same time, I find that I do better on a really regimented schedule (as with everything in my life, boundaries are my best friend).  Like okay, eat a big breakfast before work, great then eat something high protein on your morning break, great, eat a full meal for lunch, great, are you still hungry when you get off work, eat a snack, great, eat a snack while making dinner because you are actually really hungry, great, are you hungry 3 hours later before you go to bed, eat another snack, awesome.  Food intake: achieved.  Weekends?  Vacation days?  Then it all goes to shit.  Because I have to rely on those hard-to-discern hunger-signals and end up pushing my meals too far apart and don't snack on enough protein-rich foods.

I'm sorry if I sound like a total D talking about this stuff.  I feel like I am to weight conciousness as Dr. Carmella is to Introversion, right now.  I'm just trying to think through my situation.  Sorry if I'm coming off a little... tumblr-righteous right now.