Belated

I was gonna make this big post declaring that minus one time in July I'd been single for exactly one year today.  Which is like kind of a big deal.  I dated... poorly after Andy and I broke up, and I'd been trying to like, break-out of that habit for awhile.  When I moved to graduate school I made a big deal of telling people that I was totally going to be single for the whole year, focus on school and me, etc.  And then that FAILED because what I actually wanted at the time was to be in a relationship. So that happened instead.  With someone I wasn't really into.  We both kind of understood that we were dating because it was convenient, not really because we could ever fall in love or anything.  And then I moved to San Francisco and fell back into the same habits.  It was easier to date than to try to make friends.  I was much better at that.

And so a couple guys happened until I gambled my Click with Luke on some drunken kisses in the cold. (Looking back, I regret drinking so much with him.  I blacked out a lot of moments from that relationship.)  A big part of me feels like he could have been a pretty solid friend out here if we had never dated.

Anyway, after he called it off and I got a grip on what I needed out here (companionship, community, stability), I decided that  it wasn't worth the gamble anymore.  Because no matter what I want to believe, friendships never outlive intimacy.  So I kind of lost my taste for dating for a long time.  But now, finally, I find myself missing romance.  So like hopefully I'm ready to get back into it.  And hopefully from now on I'll do it right.  I really don't want another relationship like the one I had in grad school.

Anyway, it turns out I had my dates wrong.  And I've actually been single for a year and a couple days.  So that's pretty cool.

FLIGHT HOME TOMORROW.